


Former Ghosts

by suncityblues



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A revisionist history of 15x20, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Unbury your gays and make them kiss, spoilers for 15x20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suncityblues/pseuds/suncityblues
Summary: Coda/fixitA fic that diverts the story about halfway through 15x20.On TV, hospital rooms are usually these clean, white places with a big sunny window and a nice chair in the corner. A family member or loved one would be there, desperately pleading for forgiveness, or redemption, or something like that. The nurses are all hot 20 somethings and doctors take time to talk to the patient and their family in soothing, apologetic tones. By the end of the episode there is either a miraculous recovery or a heartbreaking death.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 80





	Former Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> Hoo boy that last episode sure did Dean dirty, so I’ll just be here casually ignoring everything I don’t like about it :)

On TV, hospital rooms are usually these clean, white places with a sunny window and a nice chair in the corner. A family member or loved one would be there, desperately pleading for forgiveness, or redemption, or something like that. The nurses are all hot 20 somethings and doctors take time to talk to the patient and their family in soothing, apologetic tones. By the end of the episode there is either a miraculous recovery or a heartbreaking death. 

Dean knows this well, television practically raised him. So no matter how many times he ends up in one it’s still a bit of a disappointment to wake up sweaty and alone in a dark room with puke green walls on one side and a curtain separating another patient on the other. This time, his back hurts like hell and he wants to know where Sam is and what happened to those kids. 

As usual, he ignores the disappointed part of him that wanted to have not woken up at all. He’s grown accustomed to that thought over the years, and it’s easy to shoo away, but not as easy as it used to be.

He tries to get up and make a run for it before an orderly notices he’s awake and starts questioning him about the health insurance he doesn’t have, but the moment Dean moves forward he’s overcome with a stab of pain that makes his vision go black in the middle. He lets out a sharp “paaah” sound that hurts his throat, and falls back into place. He feels nauseous and winded. 

A heavyset woman in her 30’s comes into the room. “Hello,” she says kindly, “I saw your heart rate was up, do you know where you are?” 

Dean shakes his head no. 

“St. Sebastian Hospital” she answers, then: “Give me one moment, please.” Dean’s mouth is so dry he doesn’t think he could argue even if he wanted to. The woman pulls his medical chart off the back of his bed and checks it over. 

“Mr, ah, Bolan, it seems like you were in a serious car accident and have been out for the last few days. You have a punctured kidney, and quite a few other injuries, you’re really lucky to be alive and recovering as well as you are,” the woman says. There’s a softly scolding tone in her voice. Dean wonders if she thinks he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt or something. 

Dean nods at her, feigning repentance. He guesses his full name on her chart must be Marc Bolan, the rock star tragically deceased in a car crash. Good one, Sammy, though a bit on the nose. 

Dean’s mouth is still dry so he gestures weakly at his throat. The nurse lightens up. 

“I’ll have someone bring you some ice chips, and the attending physician will be in soon to get you up to speed on your recovery.” She points out a little red button attached to his bed, “If you need anything, press this, okay?” 

Dean nods. 

— 

Dean spends the next few days in the hospital. He wants to leave as soon as Sam gets there in the morning but Sam insists he stay the full amount of time that the doctor recommended. He says something to Dean about the possibility of sepsis but Dean doesn’t really listen. He knows how to keep his wounds clean, he’s not some dumb kid. 

Eventually Dean gets discharged back to the bunker with a handful of unpaid-for antibiotics and by the time he’s healthy enough to get to the bathroom by himself without blacking out, they get a call. After much hemming and hawing from Dean, Sam goes off to a hunt in Texas by himself. It scares the shit out of Dean to see his brother go alone but he puts on a brave face and pats Sam on the back, like it’s no big deal. 

“Call if you need anything. Anything at all,” Dean tells him. Sam rolls his eyes but agrees. 

Dean waits. And waits. And waits. And nothing bad happens. Sam comes home victorious. Dean knew he would. 

And then Sam goes off by again. And comes back. And keeps doing it. And after a while Dean gets used to it, though he can’t help himself from feeling like the world is moving on without him. 

—

Dean’s back still hurts. He feels like a burden to Sam, and to himself. He drinks beer with the dog and watches TV and eats chips, then goes to bed and gets up the next day and does the same thing. Sometimes he’ll help Sam out with research over the phone, and hates that these moments are the highlight of his day, sometimes week. 

He tries not to think about Castiel, but almost immediately gives up and starts researching ways to get him back. When Sam is home, sometimes he asks what Dean is up to but Dean can’t bring himself to lie or to tell the whole truth. 

“Looking for trouble,” Dean replies jokingly, and lets Sam assume this means Dean’s searching for a new case rather than researching ancient enochian summoning rituals. Because he knows what Sam would say. Cas sacrificed himself so they could win, and he’d want them to move forward. Cas would want them to be happy, and live good lives. Especially Dean. 

But, Dean’s not entirely sure he wants to be happy, it would be a pretty foreign feeling after all this time. In fact, Dean’s not sure he wants anything, anymore. Except for Sam to be happy and Cas to be home, with him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever finish processing what Castiel had said to him the last time they had seen each other but Dean reserves the right to try. 

Around the time Dean’s back wound is fully healed and he’s ready to start hunting again, Sam runs back into Eileen hunting an angry spirit outside Lafayette. They start spending more time together on the road. Dean is happy for them, though a little sad when Sam starts to move on. 

But, the plus side is that this gives Dean extra time to do something very stupid and ill advised without his brother walking in on him. 

— 

He’s about halfway through the summoning ritual when the candles blow out on their own and Dean feels himself thrown backwards by an otherworldly gust of wind. It hurts badly but the live ram Dean was about to sacrifice seems relieved. 

A man in a trench coat appears in the room with a very cross look on his face. The relief Dean feels when he sees Castiel is so powerful he almost needs to sit down. 

“Did it work?” Dean asks.  
“Not even close,” Castiel replies, “You were about to summon a huge sea monster.”

Dean can’t stop himself from smiling anyway.  
The ram makes a grunting sound. 

— 

Castiel comes clean that he’d been saved by Jack, and instead of saying anything was waiting for Dean to die of old age and get to heaven, which Dean finds pretty insulting. “Time passes differently in heaven” Cas had said which sounded to Dean like a cop out. 

He ignores the fact that, as usual, Sam is right. Dean is actually pretty great at ignoring Sam when he wants to. 

“I wanted you to have a real life, Dean,” Cas had said irritatedly, “I wanted you to know happiness and freedom. Freedom from everything.” 

Dean doesn’t like Castiel’s tone when he says the word, “everything” because he knows Cas is including himself in that. It pisses him off, in fact. 

“So what?” Dean nearly shouts before collecting himself to grit out, “You get to say your peace and then leave? Just like that?” Dean doesn’t add “It’s not fair” but petulantly thinks it. He’s so mad he has to take a step back and breathe through his nose. It had never occurred to him Cas was back and simply didn’t want to see him, especially after what had happened. It stings.

Cas says nothing for a long moment, just levels a sad look at Dean that says the differences are insurmountable between them. That they’re wholly different creatures meant to be on different planes of existence and never meet on earth, and certainly never care for each other. They are, at best, to have a post-life cordial business relationship. Dean huffs. He steps closer to Cas, and Cas lets him. 

“You know how I feel, Dean, but...” Cas finally starts but is cut off. 

“Okay, well. Do you want to hear what I have to say?” Dean asks.  
Cas says nothing. Dean can feel himself choking up, which he hates. 

“I want to say that I love you too, you know. Love you-love you. And I don’t wanna be here if you’re not around, and I don’t wanna get old without you. I got hurt, bad, after you were gone and I thought to myself: good, finally, this is how it’s supposed to be. Because if you were gone, I wanted to be gone too. I’ve been counting down my days since I was a kid, man.” 

He doesn’t cry but his face is hot and scrunched up and he knows he looks like a mess. He doesn’t often let himself willingly experience these feelings, but they’re there. They’ve always been there. They’ve gotten so much worse without Castiel beside him. 

Resigned, Castiel replies with absolutely no irony but a bit of pettiness, “Should I have not saved you from those vampire clowns, then? I’m sorry, Dean, I couldn’t help myself. I had hoped you’d be able to outlive John, at least.” 

Of course, Dean thinks. Of course you don’t heal that easy from a punctured organ, but what’s a subtle bit of healing magic between friends? The hot air leaves him all at once and he feels empty. 

“Cas” he says. He doesn't actually know where he’s going with this. He leans his face close to Castiel, so their foreheads and noses are touching. He is deeply relieved when Cas kisses him. 

— 

A few days later Sam is surprised to come home to a ram grazing outside the bunker, but not at all to find Castiel and Dean cuddled up on the couch watching movies. 

“Welcome home,” he says.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
